"Teacher! He say me grandfather fish!"

Three months in and I’m relaxing into this position. I won’t lie and say that it wasn’t a rough transition at times- in fact it still is- but all things considered, I enjoy the challenge of my hectic job.

Last week, my boss told me that because the readings I am teaching are so difficult that the Korean co-teachers would touch on the material every week to strengthen comprehension. It’s only a few paragraphs and it’s true that a Korean can probably explain in 5 minutes or less what takes me half an hour to outline in caveman English: “First match, win, Second… Two… two match, lose! Why he lose match? Change computer! Computer change!” Anyway, I continued my classes spending more time on reading fluency than actual comprehension until two days later when my co-teacher, “Lucy,” asked for a word.

LUCY: What are you teaching [6 grade class]?

ME:  Oh, we’re doing a unit a day, why?

LUCY: They students told me you were just reading the text and answering the questions.

ME: Yes... That is what we do every unit.

LUCY: Well they don’t understand. You can explain to them?

ME: Uh… yes? But it’s really hard for me to explain in English.

LUCY: Okay, good. You explain to them.

~Conversation Over~

Effectively this reverses my boss’s previous assertion that I would have help, but I know better than to do anything other than nod. It doesn’t matter. We’re going to slog through these units the best we can and so help me I’m going to have their workbooks all filled out at the end of the month!! It’s just funny because it is not an uncommon occurrence and now a 5 minute task to promote understanding has become a 30 minute battle for the attention of my overworked, 12-year old students. I take their cell phones, I  jump up and down, I sing the material, I draw outrageous pictures on the board… In 3 months time I’ve become the fastest improviser you’ve ever met. (Many days I’m handed the material 2 minutes before class starts!) But come on, it’s not the most efficient system.

One time Lucy conceded that, “Yes, it is a little harder for you to control the classroom. But it is hard for everyone.” At the time, I thought maybe this was true. Of course, I know that what the Korean teachers deal with is nothing compared to the sheer chaos that goes on during some of my classes. Not all of them, no- not even the majority, but enough to keep me on my toes and constantly changing my approach. This, my friends, is what you call a challenging job. 

And now I know from experience that there is no way to even approximate the environment inside any other teacher’s classroom. Walking down the halls of our English floor I hear silence and occasional Korean instruction. Peer inside the rooms and dark heads of hair are bent over English workbooks. Studious. Calm.

Enter my classroom and the noise is deafening. In order to cope with one class in particular, I have begun to imagine that all 10 of the eleven-year old boys are autistic. They’re up out of their seats, climbing under desks, yelling at each other, punching each other,  pulling on my arm, running up to the board to draw pictures, stealing each other’s pencils, throwing things. Screaming, “TEACHER, TEACHER, TEACHER, TEACHER, TEACHER, TEACHER, TEACHER!!” so much that I have effectively separated myself from the word; I almost don’t hear it anymore. I tell them to be quiet, try to reward them for calm behavior but it has no effect. Two of them sit silently and patiently while the rest make crazy noises and jump up suddenly, unprovoked, to dance and scream in the aisles. When I get one of them to read, I cannot hear him above the din. The class takes place in the only classroom with a projector which is yet another cause for distraction as the students are forever seeking out the remote control. Nothing amuses them more than seeing the “SAMSUNG” logo appear in blue on my head as I explain what a lobster is. When I steal it back and place it on the ledge of the chalkboard, they “accidentally” fling an eraser up by my feet and excuse themselves to retrieve it while trying to sneak a hand around my back, grasping at their true target. And it Never. Gets. Old. Frequently, it’s so much nonsense all at once, I just burst into laughter. This does not help my stern teacher façade and may be why none of them take me seriously. That and the fact that they don’t understand most of the things that come out of my mouth. Even when… me… talk… slow… like… robot. And gesture! My life is a perpetual game of charades!!

But the bell rings and I deep breathe as they chant their Goodbye Song that goes something like, “See you! Hab a na-ice day! Dank you! Por your! Teach-Ing!” Scurrying away, they shout “Bye teacher!!” with the biggest grins you’ve ever seen and I can’t be mad. (…Unless, of course, they’ve made someone cry. But then it would just be another Thursday!)

"I'm a pusher, I push people"

I realize I haven’t posted since Halloween and with Christmas only a week away, this is fast becoming a holiday blog. But who doesn’t love the holidays?

Christmas time on my little English floor has been jolly, well for me at least. We’ve been preparing for our Christmas concert (tonight!) with the 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th graders which has slowed our progress in the actual curriculum. I never know when a teacher is going to hijack my class to work on their dance moves or whisk me away on my break time to make sparkly golden crowns and paper guitars. Every day starts with the booming of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” from the loudspeakers throughout the school. They’ve been drilling it into their poor little brains. Of course, I love it. 

Best of all was last week Friday when I was instructed 5 minutes before class to have the kids make Christmas invitations to give to the parents. Instead of teaching math and the vocabulary for “going camping,” I drew pictures of reindeer on the board and passed out colored paper and crayons! I loved every minute of it. So I’ve decided that if this teaching English thing doesn’t pan out, I’m switching to Art because not only is it more fun, it’s basically a universal language. Don’t know how to say swimming pool? Draw one! I’m learning that charades will only get you so far. Please explain to me how you would act out “pumpkin?

Since I arrived, I've been pushing art/creative expression in my classes. And I find that I just can't help it. If we ever have to write anything I encourage them to illustrate it, or perform their story in front of the class. Most of their other classes are based on reading/writing and memorizing so I figure it’s a nice change, not to mention entertaining for me!

And God help them if I ever have a free period and I get to pick the activity! Because we end up with gems like these. I asked my lower-level fifth grade students to make sentences out of their names.

My favorite is definitely Jack's  "Jungle Acid rainy Candy King." When I asked him to make sentences, I thought he misunderstood, but then he came out with this drawing and I realized I  was the one who had misunderstood. He knew what he was doing.

Steve is always hungry.

Trick your treat!

Last Friday we had a Halloween party at work instead of classes so we came in a little early to decorate the English floor and put together some games for the kids. 6th graders were deemed "too cool" for a Halloween party so they got to watch scary movies instead, but my little monsters were given candy and made to hop around in circles and chew gummy worms off of strings. It was a lot of work, but highly entertaining. Sometimes I think these school parties are really for the teachers.


One of my 1st graders, Robin, readies his straw for a relay game.

 For this game, students had to pass an onion ring down the line using only the straws in their mouths. I was sure that someone was going to poke their eye out but we miraculously avoided injury. We did go through quite a few puffed onion rings though... they kept sliding off and to the floor.

Betty triumphantly displays her winning onion ring. She was the last in line on her team and naturally took all the credit for their win. 

Fourth graders circle Chris, my [only] American co-worker, concentrating hard on the pingpong balls balanced at the end of their spoons.

 Joey, Unknown Teacher and Amber serve up Ddukboki (떡볶이), a spicy rice cake dish, out of a giant cauldron.

Jenny should not have eaten all her candy at once. Thank goodness we didn't have to actually teach anything this day! That's Sally in back, the one who pets my arm hair every day and purrs like a cat. No one appreciates my hairyness like Sally does.

 During a later relay students had to hop around Chris and then chew an onion ring off a string, swallow everything, and race back to their team.

Amber was in charge of inspecting their mouths. Hilarious or gross? Well, both, but I more enjoyed that she unconsciously opened her mouth every time in support.

Cathy decided it would be fun to throw candy at them: a brief mob ensued. Check out Charlie on the right with his fists full.





 

She was tossing more whenever they said "trick-or-treat." That is, until we realized they were saying "trick your treat."

Anyway, back to the regular work week today. How was your Halloween?

Is it chilly in here?

When I moved to Korea I did not bring a coat. It wasn't a priority when I was packing in the Florida heat, and even if I hadn't given my coat to Goodwill weeks before I left, I might have still vetoed it to save space. Now with the temperature starting to drop in the evenings, I wish I had one. Unfortunately, I have inexplicably set my heart on a pumpkin orange, wool coat that would be a rare find in Busan where the current trend is faux-army apparel, blacks, grays and blues. I remain optimistic, of course.

Yesterday I set out in search for a fall jacket in an underground shopping mall connected to the subway. Boy, who knew shopping was so difficult with a language barrier? Prices were easy; most of the shopkeepers would type it into a calculator to show me (I'm working on my korean numbers, but not quite there yet!). What was difficult was that most of them were very eager to help me find exactly what I was looking for and have you ever tried to mime "well I'd like something thicker, waterproof and under 70 dollars... preferably not in animal print"?

The women's coats all have this really hilarious drawstring feature that cinches in the waist and bottom hem of the jackets. I would try one on and undo the drawstrings to see what it looked like un-cinched (as I would be wearing it), only to have the shopkeepers "tsk tsk" and immediately re-do them up .... while it was still on me! I stopped in a men's store where I thought I might have more luck and ran into some more communication issues. The sales associate kept motioning above my head indicating a larger person. It took me a minute before it dawned on me: she was asking how big my boyfriend was. You know, the one for whom I would be purchasing this coat. I shook my head "no" and pointed to myself. She stared and glanced sidelong at a coworker before tentatively helping me into the coat. I left when they started cinching that one in, too.

Anyway, it took me all day to realize that I was underdressed for shopping. It's much easier to shop when you already feel attractive and everything you try looks good because you look good. I was a little green from a slight cold and after the 10th round of "well, the jacket's okay but my hair is so greasy," I  gave up and went home to make potato soup. The next time I go out clothes shopping, I'll try showering first.

(click on cartoon to enlarge)

Life's a Beach

I guess I could complain because my school is about a 20 minute bus ride from the nearest subway station. However, it's only a 10 minute walk from this:

I'm not complaining. Would you?

Alice-teacher! Alice-teacher!

And Yes. I have arrived. My new name for the coming year also represents my new status as an educator of little minds. Don't let that fool you though; I'm finding that respect doesn't just come with the title and I'm having to use every ounce of my creative energy and then skip dinner to make worksheets in order even attempt classroom control. But I digress.

Here is my school. Well, here's the first floor of the... 8? 9 story building? I guess I don't know because I work on the second floor and refuse to take the elevator like, *cough*, some of my coworkers. Well, okay, to be fair, they tend to wear outrageous heels. No thanks.

The school is called "Highest" and I think the slogan is, "First. Best. Highest." The English Language Center takes up the whole second floor and I work there with my [Korean] manager, two Korean teachers and another American. Immediately upon entering the glass doors above, you notice this wall of monitors to your right.

Each screen is split into 4 sections displaying a classroom. That's right, every classroom is under constant surveillance- but not just for security purposes. It allows visiting parents or potential students to look in and see how "productive" we are. Creeps me the heck out, but what are you going to do? I like to make make crazy faces at the camera when I'm chasing little 7-year olds around, pulling them out from under the tables and trying to get them to stop hitting each other. "Still don't want to send your kid here? Look at all the hands-on learning!"

 
I had to include this because these fish are my favorite. There's a giant decorative plant sculpture thing in the lobby and these goldfish live in a pool at the base. Sometimes I feed them pieces of my sandwich because I secretly want to see how fat they'll get. Remember that children's book about a kid who fed his goldfish too much and it grew to be the size of a whale? Yeah, that's what I want. A
goldwhale.

Here are some of my kids. I teach 25 class periods a week, but a lot of the kids I have more than once. These are some fifth graders. They're pretty good, although yesterday they tried to convince me that class got out 15 minutes earlier than it actually did. Fortunately, I am a wise woman and caught on to their plan and then forced them to play hangman for the remainder of the class. I'm so mean.

So far what has amused me the most, apart from some of their chosen English names (Shally, Reo, Horse, Dusin, Ranny!) has been their complete trust in their fate as decided by Rock, Paper, Scissors. I mean, I have discovered that I can solve any argument, ever, based on Rock, Paper, Scissors. It doesn't matter who was right or who was wronged first, if I say "rock, paper, scissors," then the loser bows out gracefully. Currently, I live in a world of little control, so it's a small miracle every time as far as I'm concerned.

I would like to take this time to thank my mother for having made me practice those annoying contour drawings as a child. I honestly believe that the most important skill I have right now is the ability to [quickly] free-hand the outline of just about anything on the chalkboard. Language barrier? No problem, I shall illustrate my thoughts! Of course, sometimes it works a little too well,  like last time when I had the whole class shouting things for me to draw. "Gun! Gun!" "Giraffe!"  Oh, kids.

It's going to be a bright, bright sunshiny day

So I'm feeling inspired. Turning over a new leaf. Well, actually, this leaf was overturned a long time ago, the blog is just late catching up.

Whence does this new leaf come, you ask? From the tree of POSITIVITY.

I shall briefly explain:

My latest adventure takes me to South Korea, where I will be teaching English to squirrelly elementary students for the year. I expect it to be fun, challenging, overwhelming, but mostly an adventure. During the research phase of this trip, I was struck by the lack of positive blog entries by foreign teachers in Korea. There were a few- but they were drowned out in a sea of Worst Day Ever's and This Awful Thing Happened's and I had to stop reading. But I was confused! All of the experiences I heard about through word of mouth were very positive! Why would someone write that they had a good day but then expound on the one bad experience of the afternoon? When I went back through my own blog entries about Senegal, I realized that they, too, were more negative than I had meant. But no more!

For this new project, I will be seeking out the good, the funny, the bizarre, the comforting. And I'll be writing about it (sometimes) for you folks, but mostly for myself. Because it's good for me. Because it's good for you. Because this blog is not my journal, it's now officially a writing exercise! Take that!

Well, I've got to prepare myself for a 15 hour flight of uninterrupted reading/movie time. Sounds great, right!? I'm thinking I might prepare with a little nap...

(The blog entries from my time in Senegal are still up on this blog, but you'll notice the url has changed; I decided I didn't want to keep changing the name of the thing for every new place I went, especially since traveling is becoming sort of a habit... )